What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


By Elton Beard

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. I don't.


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Technorati Profile


ARCHIVE ARCHIVE ARCHIVE

Sunday, October 10, 2004
8:00 PM PT

In Other Views...

Over at Sisyphus Shrugged, Julia deconstructs Tom Friedman.

Michael Froomkin of discourse.net reduces Dick Cheney.

Jeanne at Body and Soul condenses the New York Times.

The mildly stimulating (C14H19NO2) K-Band synthesizes Daniel Okrent.

Credits: the Shorter style was launched by Daniel Davies at D-Squared Digest with the original Shorter Steven den Beste.

And finally, an upward departure: to not frequent Avedon Carol's Sideshow is to be short-changed of an earthly delight.

3:00 PM PT

Shorter George F. Will:
Why America Leans Right
  • Americans tolerate a society far more brutal and insecure than that of any other developed country due to their aberrant susceptibility to a profoundly callous religion marketed by powerful and well-financed organizations.

Saturday, October 9, 2004
3:00 PM PT

Shorter David Brooks:
The Report That Nails Saddam
  • The imminent threat requiring war was Saddam Hussein's narrative of mass destruction.

Friday, October 8, 2004
4:00 PM PT

Shorter Leon R. Kass:
Playing Politics With the Sick
  • We are partially funding morally dubious but supposedly promising stem cell research.

3:30 PM PT

Shorter Charles Krauthammer:
Terrorists' Candidates?
  • It is obvious beyond the need for evidence that bad people everywhere are rooting for Kerry to defeat Bush.

3:00 PM PT

Shorter L. Paul Bremer III:
What I Really Said About Iraq
  • What I really said about Iraq was the opposite of what you heard me say.

Thursday, October 7, 2004
8:00 PM PT

Shorter Washington Post Editorial:
Weapons That Weren't There
  • Don't think of Bush's war as a failure - be glad we now know a thousand ways not to build a democracy.

3:30 PM PT

Shorter Jodi Wilgoren and Bill Keller:
Kerry and Religion: Pressure Builds for Public Discussions

  • John Kerry is too rational and people don't like that.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004
4:00 PM PT

Shorter William Safire:
The Afghan Miracle

American Version:

  • Things are going swimmingly in Afghanistan and Iraq, but if you don't vote for Bush then all will be lost.

Australian Version:

  • Things are going swimmingly in Afghanistan and Iraq, but if you don't vote for Howard then all will be lost.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004
6:00 PM PT

Shorter David Brooks:
Quickening the Tempo in Iraq
  • I know Iyad Allawi is no puppet, because Donald Rumsfeld told me so.

Lifted seamlessly from the punch line to Mat Yglesias' post at TAPPED.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

4:00 PM PT

Does Condoleezza really know what time it is?
Does Condoleezza really care?

Dr. Rice's truth-deficient Sunday interview with Wolf Blitzer has been amply covered, but one little-noted exchange from that session also deserves mention. In it, the National Security Advisor repeats a claim that Mr. Bush has made several times.
RICE: ... We have broken up 75 percent of the al Qaeda known leadership. Pakistan and Saudi Arabia fully...

BLITZER: Well, when you say 75 percent, of how many leaders are we talking -- 75 percent of a quantity of what? 30, 25?

RICE: Of its known leadership.

BLITZER: But how many...

RICE: I would suspect that that's in the tens to hundreds -- tens to 100.

Is it conceivable that the National Security Advisor doesn't know the number of known al Qaeda leaders? If so, who does?

Monday, October 4, 2004
2:00 PM PT

Shorter William Safire:
Kerry, Newest Neocon
  • Kerry's support for preemptive war conditioned on a provable imminent threat makes him indistinguishable from those who launch aggressive war under false pretenses.

Plus: Safire Just Makes Stuff Up, Again. In the column he makes this claim about Kerry's presidential debate statements:

Hold on; nuclear pre-emption was never America's "great doctrine" during confrontation with the Soviets. ... only kooks portrayed by the likes of Peter Sellers called for a nuclear final solution to the Communist problem.
But Safire puts words in Kerry's mouth. Kerry never mentioned nuclear pre-emption. Here is what he actually said:
The president always has the right, and always has had the right, for preemptive strike. That was a great doctrine throughout the Cold War. And it was always one of the things we argued about with respect to arms control.
Safire accuses Kerry of claiming America had a "nuclear pre-emption" doctrine during the cold war. But Kerry was only talking about policy during the period of the cold war, not about reserving the right to launch a nuclear first strike at the Soviet Union. Safire knows that people associate the cold war with nuclear weapons, so he sneaks in the clear implication that Kerry was referring to nuclear preemption when in fact Kerry said no such thing.

For balance, let's hear from a real neocon - Robert Kagan, who writes in today's Washington Post:

And preemption? Not only has this been a prominent feature of U.S. foreign policy for two centuries ... everyone from Michael Walzer to Henry Kissinger to Kofi Annan to John Kerry agrees that preventive action is an unavoidable part of doing business ...
Kagan knows Kerry's stance on this issue and sees nothing kooky about it. Were Safire honest, he could not have found anything objectionable (to a hawk) in Kerry's statement either. So he fabricates a make-believe version of what Kerry said, declares his creation to be Kerry's "Strangelovian" view of policy which only "kooks" could support - and the New York Times finds that fit to print.

More like "Orwellian", I'd say.

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Busy, busy, busy.

What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


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