What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


By Elton Beard

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. I don't.


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Technorati Profile


ARCHIVE ARCHIVE ARCHIVE

Sunday, October 3, 2004
4:00 PM PT

Shorter Thomas L. Friedman:
Iraq: Politics or Policy?
  • This war is too important to be left to politicians.

With apologies to General Ripper.

See Also: Tristero recapitulates Friedman's pre-vacation prognostications.

Plus: Hellblazer suspects manipulation.

Saturday, October 2, 2004
4:00 PM PT

Shorter David Brooks:
Sense and Sensibility
  • Kerry is the rational one, but Bush has the winning narrative.

Friday, October 1, 2004
9:00 PM PT

Shorter Charles Krauthammer:
The Vietnamization of John Kerry
  • You can't fix someone else's mistake if you recognize it as such.

1:00 PM PT

Winner Whiner

Thursday, September 30, 2004
1:00 PM PT

Shorter Max Boot:
Kerry's Shaky Take on the War
  • Kerry just doesn't get it - Bush's crimes against humanity are a good thing because they create fresh enemies which can then be labeled "terrorists" and slaughtered, en masse.

Plus: Kerry is "missing the big picture," says Mr. Boot's subhed. Here is his bill of particulars:

  • Kerry is a demagogue for simultaneously objecting to Bush's militaristic spending priorities and to Bush's other spending priorities.

  • Kerry panders to leftist isolationism by objecting to Bush's militaristic spending.

  • Kerry would negotiate with Iran and North Korea - which is tantamount to appeasement - abandoning Bush's highly effective policy of sporadic verbal bellicosity.

  • Kerry is wrong to claim that Bush's focus on Iraq let al Qaeda off the hook, because Mr. Bush's claim that two-thirds of al Qaeda's senior leadership has been caught or killed is conclusive and irrefutable.

  • Finally, Kerry fails to appreciate how good it is that American troops are mired in Iraq. Because otherwise, they might be causing mischief in Afghanistan (where, coincidentally, things are going swimmingly). No, really:

    Also, if the U.S. didn't have all those troops in Iraq, it would be tempted to send more than the present commitment of 18,000 soldiers to Afghanistan. A greater U.S. presence could help fuel a nationalist backlash and result in greater casualties, as has occurred in parts of Iraq.

That last point comprises some unconventional logic, to be sure, but it may help explain the neocon's stirring desire to penetrate another unwilling country well before Iraq's labor is done. Pulling the troops out of Iraq in order to pillage, say, Iran would reduce the temptation to leave them in Iraq, where they're causing so much trouble. When a nationalist backlash erupts in Iran, we'll simply reduce our profile there by invading North Korea. After North Korea, of course, comes Syria. And with the entire world our enemy, this procedure could be repeated just about forever.

That is one hell of a big picture, Max.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004
9:00 PM PT

Shorter William Safire:
The Runaway Prosecutor
  • Since a parenthesized "outing" of an "undercover" CIA agent is not a "crime", FBI investigators on the "case" should get no cooperation from us "journalists".

See Also: Roger Ailes (the non-evil one) explains his ire for the liar.

10:30 AM PT

Shorter Nicholas D. Kristof:
Sentenced to Be Raped
  • With nothing of interest happening stateside, now is a good time to produce a travelogue focused on the plight of women in the third world.

Update: Save one life, save the world. Or so some sages say. Non-cynics may be interested in djmm's comment, which includes an email from Nicholas Kristof explaining how to send money to Mukhtaran Bibi, the woman (pictured above) whose story Kristof detailed in his, uh, travelogue.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004
6:00 PM PT

Shorter David Brooks:
The Insurgency Buster
  • I'm just amazed by all the people who think that Mr. Bush's carefully conceived and meticulously executed democratization plan is just too darn good for Iraq - what are you, like, racist or something?

See Also: Sam Rosenfeld at TAPPED on Brooks' clever reframing.

See II: Body and Soul on Brook's role in the Imperium.

Update: Also See A Level Gaze for some historical context.

Monday, September 27, 2004
10:00 PM PT

Shorter William Safire:
The Kidnap Weapon
  • For John Kerry* to note that terrorists kidnap and kill people is practically to aid and abet the terrorists by spreading fear.

* For Mr. Bush there are different rules. For example, during an October 18, 2003 Photo Opportunity, he said:

Well, I think the Abu Sayyaf is serious. It's serious because there are not rules when it comes to a crowd like the Abu Sayyaf. They kidnap, they kill, they maim.
But Mr. Safire did not then write a column denouncing Mr. Bush for being an "echo chamber for scare propaganda".

6:30 PM PT

Move Over Diogenes. Leading Authority Jeff Birnbaum is a frequent contributor to NPR, PBS, CNN, the Washington Post and Fox News. Today on Special Report with Brit Hume he commented on Jimmy Carter's critique of Florida's election practices:

I think that Carter has a point, that certainly Jeb Bush, the governor there, favors his brother, and that Glenda Hood, who's the new Secretary of State, was a Bush elector in 2000 and favors George W. Bush in all likelihood. But what is also true is that Jimmy Carter was a Democratic president and therefore, his neutrality in this whole matter is highly suspect, in fact, is ridiculous. The notion that he could hold himself out as a neutral observer in a U.S. election is absurd. So we should simply reject this as that.
Jeff Birnbaum wants us to believe that Jimmy Carter cannot be trusted to honestly oversee an American election. Who, then, would he have us trust?

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2005
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2003
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September 1 8 15 22 29
August 4 11 18 25  
July 7 14 21 28  
June 2 9 16 23 30
May 5 12 19 26  
April 7 14 21 28  
March 3 17   31  
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January 6 13 20 27  
2004
December   6 13 20  
November 1 8 15 22 29
October 4 11 18 25  
September H 6 13 20 27
August I A T U S
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May 3 10 17 24 31
April   5 12 19 26
March 1 8 15 22 29
February 2 9 16 23  
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2001
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2002
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June 3 10   24  
May 6 13 20    
April 1     22  
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Busy, busy, busy.

What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


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