What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


By Elton Beard

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. I don't.


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ARCHIVE ARCHIVE ARCHIVE

Sunday, September 28, 2003
3:00 PM PT

Shorter Tom Friedman:
2 Servings of Reality, Please

  • I supported the invasion of Iraq for noble motives but now the place is a terrible mess, so I hope the Democrats don't waste energy criticizing Bush for causing this disaster and instead focus on finding a way to make my dreams come true.

Also see Sisyphus Shrugged for Julia's concise take.

And Oliver at Liquid List as well

Friday, September 26, 2003
3:00 PM PT

Shorter Charles Krauthammer:
Ted Kennedy, Losing It

  • Either Senator Kennedy has become unhinged by his inordinate hatred of Mr. Bush, or I have been driven insane by a pathological compulsion to defend the indefensible.


Talk Like Bill O'Reilly Day Version:
  • Shut up, you hate-filled lunatic, SHUT UP!
There's a lot more O'Reilly talk at Atrios today. And MWO shortens today's Krauthammer too (scroll down).

Also: uggabugga distills Dr. Krauthammer's diagnostic manual.

Thursday, September 25, 2003
9:00 PM PT

Shorter Donald H. Rumsfeld:
Beyond 'Nation-Building'

  • Things are going swimmingly in Afghanistan and Iraq, all appearances to the contrary being due to a misapprehension of our highly innovative nation-building technique.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003
1:00 PM PT

From the Cornucopia. Today's crop is harvested verbatim from the intellectual property of others, and paid for in the only online currency - attribution. The first is lifted from this post by Brad DeLong:

Shorter Gregg Easterbrook:
Why Bush Gets a Bad Rap On Dirty Air
  • If only Democrats would stop "distorting the truth of the Bush air-pollution record," George W. Bush would be an enthusiastic and effective advocate of collective international action to control greenhouse gasses.
For more on Easterbrook's fantastic worldview, read this attempted conflation of science and religion.

Next is an inadvertent contribution from John Stewart of The Daily Show, suggested by Dwight Meredith of PLA and elsewhere, based on a posting at Liberal Oasis:

Shorter George W. Bush:
The Daily Show - 9/23/03

  • We were right. You were wrong. Give us money.
Finally, Sven points out Fred Kaplan's unlabeled condensation:

Shorter George W. Bush:
Bush to World: Drop Dead! Or:

  • The U.S.-led occupation authority is doing good work in Iraq; you should come help us; if you don't, you're on the side of the terrorists.
See? Anyone can do it!

And lest we forget - all tribute to D-Squared for originating the Shorter form.

Monday, September 22, 2003
10:30 AM PT


 
Shorter William Safire:
Clintons Anoint Clark

  • My transcendent hatred of the Clintons having imbued me with preternatural mind-reading powers, I can discern in their support of Wesley Clark's candidacy a Machiavellian scheme to install Hillary in the White House.
Bonus I: I attempt to reproduce George Will's slander against Clark, but mangle it into incoherence.

Bonus II: I also allege, by sly implication utterly lacking in evidence, that Clark corruptly steered defense money to his associates while a US Army General.

Update: Nitpicker has more, including a nice Shorter Safire. Also see Josh Marshall.

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Busy, busy, busy.

What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


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