What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


By Elton Beard

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. I don't.


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Technorati Profile


ARCHIVE ARCHIVE ARCHIVE

Sunday, June 15, 2003
11:00 PM PT

Shorter William F. Buckley Jr.:
Bush Plan Too Rich?

  • Federal aid for states that face severe cutbacks in essential services due to the bad national economy is voodoo socialism, the precise definition of which is left as an exercise for the reader.

[Update: uggabugga exposes an internal contradiction in Buckley's logic.]

4:30 PM PT

Shorter Tom Friedman:
The Reality Principle

  • The Israelis and Palestinians get so much short-term gratification from killing each other that they won't stop unless George W. Bush, as Reality Principle manifest, induces them to sublimate their mutual hostility.

2:30 PM PT

Shorter Sen. John McCain:
Past the Point of Justifying

  • It may be that the casus belli of an imminent Iraqi WMD threat was based on imperfect intelligence, but that doesn't really matter anymore since I can easily justify the war by simply counting all of its benefits and ignoring all of its costs.

Saturday, June 14, 2003
12:00 PM PT

Shorter Bill Keller:
The Boys Who Cried Wolfowitz

  • I still feel good about the war on Iraq, but I'm a bit worried that the visible dissembling and flimflam issuing from our corrupted intelligence apparatus might hinder the marketing of additional wars.

Shorter concept by Brad DeLong.

Friday, June 13, 2003
11:30 PM PT

Shorter Charles Krauthammer:
Hoaxes, Hype and Humiliation

  • The press's over-estimation of looted Iraqi artifacts was clearly mendacious, while the administration's over-estimation of Iraqi WMD was merely an honest assessment of the best available intelligence.

2:30 PM PT

Shorter Daniel Henninger:
Where's the 'Intelligence'?

  • Whether or not the administration committed fraud by asserted before the war that Iraq had an imminently threatening WMD arsenal depends on what the meaning of the word "had" is.

[Update: See also Tom Toles (thanks to Quiddity of Uggabugga for the heads-up).]

Thursday, June 12, 2003
10:00 AM PT

Shorter Norah Vincent:
Pro-Choice Feminists' Shameful Deception

  • My superior comprehension of morality and science trumps any medical decision by a woman and her physician.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003
5:30 PM PT

Shorter Tom Friedman:
Read My Lips

  • I've just realized that conservatives have seized control of the language.

[Update: But as Meme Cauldron notes, late beats never.]

11:00 AM PT

Shorter Jane Harman (D-CA):
WMD: What Went Wrong?

  • The administration's assertion of an imminent threat that led me to support the war on Iraq now appears to have been at variance with the facts, but as a Democrat I am congenitally incapable of plainly stating that the Bush administration lied to me and to the American people.

Monday, June 9, 2003
11:00 PM PT

Monday comes, Bush dissimulates.

In the course of a photo op this morning Mr. Bush said:

I read a report that somehow, you know, that there is no al Qaeda presence in Baghdad. I guess the people who wrote that article forgot about Al Zarqawi's network inside of Baghdad that ordered the killing of a U.S. citizen named Foley.

I guess the people who write Mr. Bush's lines forgot that this story is no longer operative.

2:00 PM PT

Shorter Michael "Savage" Weiner:

  • I oppose frivolous lawsuits unless initiated by me against tiny on-line publications.

This one's serious. For details visit Take Back the Media, SavageStupidity.com and MichaelSavageSucks.com.

10:00 AM PT

Shorter Grover Norquist:
Step-by-Step Tax Reform

  • The ultimate goal of the Republican tax cut program is a universal flat tax, which will motivate the poorest amongst us to reduce the tax burden of the richest.

9:00 AM PT

Shorter CNN Late Edition:
Final Round

  • Responding to Wolf Blitzer's question about missing Iraqi WMD, Robert George of the New York Post criticized the Bush administration's veracity, NRO's Jonah Goldberg admitted to "some deception", Peter Beinart of The New Republic detected dishonesty and Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile defended the administration's position.

Home


ARCHIVE

2007
December          
November          
October          
September          
August          
July  30      9  
June          
May          
April  2        
March  5        
February  5 12 19 26  
January  1  8 15 22 29
 
2005
December 5 12 19 26  
November   7 14 21 28
October 3 10 17 24 31
September 5 12 17 26  
August 1 8 15   29
July 5 12      
June   6 13 20 27
May       23 30
April 4 11 18 25  
March   7 14 21  
February   7   21 28
January 3   17 24 31
2006
December          
November          
October          
September   11 18 25  
August   7     28
July 3 10 17 24 31
June 5 12 19 26  
May   8 15 22 29
April 3 10 17 24  
March   6 13 20 27
February   6 13 20 27
January 2 9 16 23 30
2003
December 1 8 15    
November 3 10 17 24  
October 6 13 20 27  
September 1 8 15 22 29
August 4 11 18 25  
July 7 14 21 28  
June 2 9 16 23 30
May 5 12 19 26  
April 7 14 21 28  
March 3 17   31  
February 3 17   24  
January 6 13 20 27  
2004
December   6 13 20  
November 1 8 15 22 29
October 4 11 18 25  
September H 6 13 20 27
August I A T U S
July          
June   7 14 21 28
May 3 10 17 24 31
April   5 12 19 26
March 1 8 15 22 29
February 2 9 16 23  
January   12 19 26  
2001
December 3   10    
November 4   11 19 26
October   11      
September          
August          
July          
June          
May          
April          
March          
February          
January                      
2002
December 2 9 16 23 30
November 4 11 18 25  
October 7 14 21 28  
September   9 16 23  
August 5 12 19    
July 1 8 15 22 29
June 3 10   24  
May 6 13 20    
April 1     22  
March 4 11 18 25  
February 4   18 25  
January 6   21 28  


Busy, busy, busy.

What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


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