By Elton Beard
There are two kinds of people in the world,
those who divide people into two kinds and
those who don't. I don't.
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11:00 PM PT
Shorter Charles Krauthammer:
No 'Roe' Replay On Affirmative Action
- The Supreme Court's affirmative action decision is socially ruinous,
a legal travesty, and a good thing as it circumvents a potential Roe-style
political backlash against my side.
7:00 PM PT
Shorter Fred Kaplan:
Was Bush Lying About WMD?
- Don Rumsfeld probably bent the truth because he lacked enough
actual evidence to justify a war that he deeply and viscerally desired,
but in doing so he was sincerely deluded rather than duplicitous.
11:00 AM PT
Shorter George Will:
Lap Dancing On the Constitution
- By my logic, private consensual sex is indistinguishable from public sex acts,
commercial sex transactions or marriage contracts, so if one is
constitutionally protected then all must be outside the purview of the state.
2:00 PM PT
I Am Michael "Savage" Weiner and I Am Biwaxual.
Correction: Studies at Duke University have conclusively shown that I am
not Michael "Savage" Weiner, which means that I am probably not biwaxual either.
We both regret the error, but many wax figures are still worried.
4:00 PM PT
Shorter Tom Friedman:
Bad Planning
- The unserious planning for post-war Iraq - and incompetent management of
the occupation - may indicate that improving the place was never a high
priority for the administration after all.
9:00 AM PT
Shorter Colin Powell:
Freeing a Nation From a Tyrant's Grip
- Look! Over there! In Zimbabwe there is a problem that requires urgent attention.
11:00 PM PT
Shorter James Taranto:
Bush and Bollinger
- Accusing Mr. Bush of lying over his public misrepresentation of
critical intelligence is like accusing an attorney of
lying for having propounded his best argument in court.
Home
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Busy, busy, busy.
What bokononists
whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.
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